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Getting pushed, tugged and shoved: A little ‘break’

Jan 12th, 2012 by

Sandwiched In has been on a hiatus for a couple of weeks (OK, a little more than a couple). It’s become the victim of those very things that keep life interesting for the person in the middle, ie me.

Since I’m the main breadwinner in my family, and I’m not able to accept full-time jobs that take me away from my home office for the entire day, I’ve been really wrestling with matters of economics.

Specifically, college tuition — for me!

Although being a mother and a daughter are major priorities in my life, last year I decided to go back to graduate school to become more competitive. But after losing my main self-employment contract just a couple of weeks after the quarter started, I started racing against the clock to find a new way of paying for tuition.

To make the long story short, that has race added to the squeeze, and I’ve launched a crowdfunding effort. You can see more details (and get to learn more about the woman behind this blog!) at http://www.indiegogo.com/go-to-11.

I’ll be back in a few days to continue sharing my Sandwiched In journey with you.

Posted in caregiving, challenges, sandwiched in | No Comments »

Ask the expert: What you need to know about long-term-care insurance

Dec 14th, 2011 by

Photo courtesy vichie 81 http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=2023

Professionals who work with seniors strongly encourage people to consider long-term-care insurance. Just as with life insurance, the younger you are when you buy your policy, the lower your premiums. Most people get serious about long-term-care insurance at about age 60 and that’s often a reasonably economical time to start. But some opt for it much earlier — please get professional advice before making the right decision for your situation.

Sandwiched In asked retired financial adviser Bill Trandum a few questions about long-term-care insurance. For other information, please consult a professional. This post is intended as information only.

Q: What exactly is long-term-care insurance? Continue Reading »

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Posted in caregiving, expert Q&A, sandwich generation | No Comments »

Sandwiched In, the movie… sort of

Dec 9th, 2011 by

I am learning multimedia skills and how to use a videocamera. After a graduate school assignment, I thought it may be fun to create a short video for the “about my sandwich” page, and I decided to post it here as well. It’s not a prize winner obviously but I’m having fun experimenting (yes, that’s me narrating). Enjoy!

Posted in sandwich generation, sandwich ingredients, sandwiched in | No Comments »

How do you downsize your life into one room?

Dec 3rd, 2011 by

Hanging on to what really matters: I was able to rescue this small pile of old photos during my parents' downsizing process.

When my husband and I moved to Washington state from Alaska more than a decade ago with our two young boys, by the end of our eight-day “trip” we had about $100 left to our name, our two old vehicles, and whatever possessions we could fit around my little Subaru in my friend’s 18-foot trailer.

We were truly starting out lives from a clean slate — neither of us had a job waiting and we temporarily lived in our friends’ “spare” bedroom. After we finally found work and rented an apartment, we got to sleep on a mattress on the floor for many months, since the only furniture we kept through the move was the kids’ bunk bed and a microwave cart.

For us, downsizing was relatively easy. Save for the bunkbed, all our furniture was hand-me-downs and we didn’t own a lot of “toys” we couldn’t part with. Continue Reading »

Posted in challenges, sandwich generation, sandwich ingredients, sandwiched in | 1 Comment »

Ask the expert: Tips for future (and current) sandwiched-in adult children

Nov 29th, 2011 by

Patti Kleist, a former “sandwicher,” a longtime advocate for the elderly and the disabled and executive director of nonprofit Faith in Action in Belfair, Wash., answered a few questions for the Sandwiched In. Do you have questions you’d like to have experts answer? Contact me  and I will get answers in future interviews.

Image: David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Q: Americans can no longer feel secure about retirement, and having guaranteed social security and Medicare waiting for them. Is there anything adult children should do differently as they help their parents plan for financial future?

A: The number one problem I have encountered both with clients and with my parents is the lack of financial resources to pay for a long term hospitalization, or move into an adult living home or rehab. We like to think that we will be able to live on our own or with family until our death, but unfortunately this is often not true.

“Stuff” happens, and unanticipated health issues can hit anyone. At this point in time, the best alternative is long-term-care insurance.  I would suggest that families find a good broker who will shop for the best deal for their circumstances.

And while you’re shopping — “pastrami” ought to be looking for insurance for themselves too. The cost doesn’t put a great burden on the budget if we get it when we’re young, but the cost goes up steeply as we age and encounter health problems.  Especially if we’ve ever mentioned to our doctor that we’re having memory problems. Continue Reading »

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Posted in caregiving, challenges, expert Q&A, sandwich generation, sandwiched in | 4 Comments »

Squeezed in from all sides, aging included: A sandwicher’s midlife crisis

Nov 27th, 2011 by

An article today in The Telegraph (UK) titled “Fourtysomething: the new midlife crisis” caught my attention because lately I’ve been contemplating the idea of getting old. When you’re sandwiched in, aging is a bit of a peculiar feeling because not only do you have your children reminding you that you are getting old, your aging parents are driving that point home even more.

I’m not 40 yet (but creeping dangerously close), the age I used to think of that moment in time that was so inconceivably far away. It’s the point of no return when you enter the door of the annual trips to the mammography lab — and everything else goes downhill from there. Continue Reading »

Posted in caregiving, challenges, sandwich generation, sandwiched in | 9 Comments »

One of Sandwich Generation’s toughest moments: decision making

Nov 25th, 2011 by

When we are kids, we are used to our parents making many major decisions for us (depending on age and circumstances) and we trust their judgment to decide what’s best.

As adults, we get the privilege of making our bed and sleeping in it, as the saying goes. But when you’re a caregiver for a parent who has dementia, all rules go out of the window. How do you decide whether your parent should go through a risky surgery when he or she doesn’t understand the consequences and can’t weigh in?

Having been through that situation recently, I think that’s one of the biggest challenges of being part of the sandwich generation. It’s an agonizing moment, knowing you have to make a decision for another adult that could potentially have a huge impact on his well-being. If things go well, great! But what if it turns out to be the wrong decision? Continue Reading »

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Posted in Alzheimer's, caregiving, challenges, sandwich generation, sandwiched in | No Comments »

Commandment No. 5: Thou shall ditch the gilt. Permanently.

Nov 17th, 2011 by

Everything I need to know about living guilt-free I learned from OJ the cat.

One of the things caretakers are very skilled at — and women are much better at this — is feeling guilty. As a full-time working parent, every time your child does something that makes you less than proud, you feel guilty about not having spent more time with him and less time working etc.

If you’re in a sandwich, add to that the guilt of not spending more time with or for your parents — after all, you do live in the same home, right?

Is your teenager lacking in interests other than videogames? You are feeling guilty for not inspiring broader interests. You were busy working to put bread on the table, you say? You should feel guilty for not having managed your schedule better so you had more time for role-modeling.

Are your kids not as hot about academics as you’d like? You feel guilty for not spending more time volunteering in their classroom to show them their education is important. It’s all about show, not tell!

And forget even thinking about “me” time, unless you don’t mind that two-hour getaway with your girlfriends being followed by all those self-nagging thoughts that you could have been spending your time doing something more productive — like, say, nurturing. Continue Reading »

Posted in 10 commandments, challenges, parenting, sandwich generation | 4 Comments »

When death becomes a matter-of-fact topic

Nov 13th, 2011 by

I was about 12 when I attended my first funeral. My grandpa died of heart disease, and despite being an agnostic, he was sent off in full Orthodox tradition.

I don’t remember much except the hours-long procession on foot, in the dead of winter, from my grandparents’ home to the cemetery through the village. And the loud wailing.

As it was custom, extensive wailing preceded and accompanied the journey to the final resting place. It’s not uncommon in their culture to bring in women specifically to wail for the dead — and for a 12-year-old child, witnessing that ceremony was quite dramatic.

Having lived far away from my family for nearly 20 years, I have been sheltered from death, in a way. I have attended funerals of friends and acquaintances here, but they do not compare with the intensity of losing someone you love. Continue Reading »

Posted in Alzheimer's, challenges, sandwiched in | 9 Comments »

A little sandwich generation humor

Nov 12th, 2011 by

A 2009 Stone Soup comic

 

 

Posted in challenges, sandwich generation, sandwiched in | 2 Comments »

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